John McCallum is the MP for Markham-Unionville in the House of Commons. He also happens to be SDP’s favorite MP and one of the guys who first got us interested in politics. So we wanted to show him some love. But that’s not really important… what is important is few have challenged J-Mac to a gauntlet of physical events. Those that have haven’t lived to tell the tale. Here are 50 of our 100 other actually important facts about the big man in the HoC:

  1. Chuck Norris was going to run for MP in Markham-Unionville.. but he didn’t want to get roundhoused by John McCallum.
  2. John McCallum would golf… but he has no off season.
  3. During question period… the speaker directs his comments to John McCallum.
  4. John McCallum is the only MP who uses his desk to store an extra set of fists, just in case.
  5. John McCallum is asking the IOC to make parliamentary badassery a sport so he can win the gold.
  6. John McCallum gave Colonel Sanders the special recipe.
  7. Jay-Z and Kanye wanted everyone to Watch the Throne because John McCallum was sitting on it.
  8. John McCallum wrote the lyrics to every song the Beatles ever played.
  9. John McCallums comforter isn’t full of down… It’s full of $100 dollar bills.
  10. John McCallum isn’t allowed to compete on Iron Chef because they know he’d win every episode.
  11. The Real World approached John McCallum to be on a season but he was to busy saving the Canadian banking system.
  12. When they wrote the book “Too Big to Fail” they were talking about John McCallum.
  13. John McCallum was the fifth man on Canada’s 1996 Olympic 4×100 relay team.
  14. John McCallum used to be Ryan Reynolds workout partner. Oh, and his fashion consultant.
  15. When CBC goes off the air it’s because John McCallum had a day off.
  16. Twitter was invented because John McCallum was sick of texting.
  17. Barack Obama only ran for President because John McCallum was busy gardening.
  18. Everyone wanted the caribou to be Canada’s national animal… but John McCallum is a beaver man.
  19. John McCallum was asked to be on Dragon’s Den… but he refused to give up the whereabouts of his lair.
  20. The Liberals lost seats in southern ontario because there wasn’t enough room for them with John McCallum in the caucus.
  21. Besides the Governor General, John McCallum is the only person allowed to prorogue parliament.
  22. Steve Jobs resigned because he thought it was the only way to get John McCallum to agree to be CEO of Apple.
  23. John McCallum and Mike Holmes are renovating west block with their bare hands.
  24. John McCallum is the only man who a downpour has never been sustained on.
  25. John McCallum posted the first video on youtube.
  26. John McCallum has so much gravitational force the moon revolves around him.
  27. After first reading all bills go to John McCallum.
  28. Paul Martin legalized gay marriage because he thought he had a chance with John McCallum.
  29. John McCallum is the only man to ever swim the Pacific Ocean.
  30. McDonalds was talking about John McCallum when they said Big Mac.
  31. Blockbuster went out of business because John McCallum tweeted that it wasn’t cool to go there anymore.
  32. Micheal Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team because the coach only needed one player… John McCallum.
  33. John McCallum directed E.T. but put his friend Steven Spielberg’s name on as an alias.
  34. John McCallum was the only reason any province joined confederation.
  35. John McCallum wrote the script for Good Will Hunting.
  36. Cuba Gooding Jr. is a b-list actor because John McCallum was bored.
  37. John McCallum was once in two provinces at the same time.
  38. In mythology, John McCallum was the only warrior with the fortitude to pick-up and use the Canadian shield in battle.
  39. The Littlest Hobo was cancelled in the eighties because John McCallum was kind enough to adopt the dog.
  40. The Rockies were created when John McCallum went for a morning jog.
  41. No one knows John McCallums age.
  42. The only reason we have stock markets is because John McCallum was bored of running the entire worlds financial system.
  43. When the U.N. security council has a vote they need to teleconference John McCallum in so they don’t do anything rash.
  44. John McCallum gave Mr. Dressup all the clothes.
  45. John McCallum owns every season of The OC.
  46. The first call Alexander Bell places was to John McCallum.
  47. John McCallum is a man, a myth and a legend.
  48. John McCallum invented google so people had a way to find him.
  49. Some politicians give speeches… John McCallum gives wisdom exposures.
  50. The first issue of Gentlemans Quarterly has John McCallum on the cover.
BOOM. The next 50 to come soon. If you have any ideas for JMac facts please just drop an email to sustaineddownpour@gmail.com